MAY PHONE NA KO!

Yes my friends, after months of denying myself the luxury of having a phone. I finally bought one. It has actually become a necessity in my life. People are actually complaining of having great difficulty contacting me. Some strangers even give a odd look when I say that I don't have a cel number. Now again begins the additional expense for buying prepaid cards, due to the fact I'm lazy in sending sms and would rather call.

I want to dance...

Now, if I only know how...

Anak ka ng *

1. kumakain ka ng aratilis

2. nagpipitpit ng gumamela para gawing
soapy bubbles na hihipanmo sa binilog na
tanggkay ng walis tingting

3. pinipilit ka matulog ng nanay mo
pag hapon at di ka papayagan maglaro pag
di ka natulog.

4. marunong ka magpatintero, saksak
puso, langit-lupa, teleber-teleber,
luksong tinik

5. malupit ka pag meron kang atari,
family computer or nes

6. alam mo ang silbi ng up, up, down,
down, left,right, left, right, a, b, a,
b, start

7. may mga damit ka na U.S.E.D., Boy
London, Cross Colors, Esprit, Blowing
Bubbles at pagnakakakita ka ng Bench na
damit eh naalala mo si Richard
Gomez

8. addict ka sa rainbow brite,
carebears, my little pony, thundercats,
biom an, voltes v, mazinger z, daimos,
he-man at marami pang cartoons na hindi
pa translated sa tagalog

9. nanonood ka ng shaider kasi
nabobosohan mo si annie at type na type
mo ang puting panty nya

10. marunong ka mag wordstar at
nakahawak ka na talaga ng 5.25 na floppy
disk

11. inaabangan mo lagi ang batibot at
akala mo magkakatuluyan si kuya bodgie
at ate sienna... nung high school ka
inaabangan mo lagi beverlyhills 90210,
Melrose PLace at Baywatch

12. gumagamit ka ng AQUANET para
pataasin ang bangs mo o kaya michaels

13. meron kang blouse na may padding
kung babae ka at meron kang sapatos na
mighty kid kung lalake ka

14. nangongolekta ka ng paper
stationaries at mahilig ka magpapirma sa
slumbook mo para lang malaman mo kung
sino ang crush ng type mo

15. kilala mo si manang bola at ang
sitsiritsit girls, si luning-ning at
luging-ging

16. alam mo ibig sabihin ng Time Space
Warp at di mo makakalimutan ang Time
Space Warp chant

17. idol mo si McGyver at nanonood
kang Perfect Strangers

18 eto malupet... six digits lang ba
ang phone number nyo dati

19. nakakatawag ka pa sa pay phone ng
3 bentesing ko lang ang dala

20. cute pa si aiza seguerra sa eat
bulaga at alam mo ang song na "eh kasi
bata"

21. inabutan mo ang Magnolia Chocolait
na nasa glass bottle pa na ginagawang
lalagy an ng tubig ng nanay mo sa ref

22. meron kang pencil case na maraming
compartments na pinagyayabang mo sa mga
kaklase mo

23. noon mo pa hinahanap kung saan ang
Goya Fun Factory at ang Sugarland

24 . alam mo ang kantang "gloria
labandera ".. lumusong sha sa tubig ang
paa ay nabasa at ang "1, 2, 3, asawa ni
marie"

25 . sosyal ka pag may play-doh ka at
Lego... at nag-iipon ka ng G.I. Joe
action figures at iba pa ang mukha ni
barbie noon

26. inabutan mo pa yung singkong
korteng bulaklak at yung diyes na square

27 . lumaki kang bobo dahil ang akala
mo nangangagat talaga ang alimango sa
kantang tong-tong-tong... diba naninipit
yun

28. alam mo yung kwento ng pari na
binigyan ng pera yung batang umakyat ng
puno para bumili ng panty... and
shempre, alam mo rin ba kung ano binigay
nya sa nanay nung umakyat ng puno pati
ang mga kwento na bida si juan at
pedro

29. meron kang kabisadong kanta ni
andrew e na alam mo hanggang ngayon
aminin !!!

30. laging lampin ang sinasapin sa
likod mo pag pinapawisan ka o kaya
dyaryo or movistar magazine

31. bumibili ka ng tarzan, texas at
bazooka bubble gum, tira-tira, at yung
kending bilog na sinawsaw sa asukal at
the famous LALA na uutuin ka ng tindera
na lasang MILO

32. kinukupit mo pa at nanonood ka ng
mga porno tapes ng tatay mo na nasa
BETAMAX format pa. at sanay ka tawagin
ang porn as BOLD

33. takot ka dumating ang year 2000
dahil sabi nla magugunaw daw ang mundo

The Man Code

1. Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolate.

2. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually marry her.

3. When questioned by a buddy’s wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.

5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out “BULLSHIT!” (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)

6. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.

8. Complaining about the brand of free beverages in a buddy’s refrigerator is forbidden. But you may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

9. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car, firstborn child - within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered “lucky” are not applicable in this case.

10. Agreeing to distract the skanky friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.

11. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

12. Before dating a buddy’s ex you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it. He is however allowed to say, “man, you’re gonna love the way she licks your balls”.

13. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

14. If a man’s zipper is down, that’s his problem - You didn’t see nothin’.

15. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a best friend’s birthday is strictly optional, and slightly gay.

16. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire, and threw it into a ceiling fan.

17. While your girlfriend must bond with your buddy’s girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pal’s boyfriends - Low level sports bonding is all the law requires.

18. Unless you have a lucrative endorsement contract, never appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh.

19. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who is playing.

20. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her ugly, whiny friend up with your pal, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.

21. Only in a situation of mortal danger or ass peril are you permitted to kick another member of the male species in the testicles.

22. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

23. If your buddy is outnumbered outmanned, or too drunk to defend himself, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the past 24 hours his actions have caused you to think “What this guy needs is a good ass whuppin’, then you may sit back and enjoy.

24. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

25. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favour of better athletes - as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.

26. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.

27. Never join your girlfriend/wife in ragging on a buddy of yours, unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.

28. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting:
“Yeah, baby, push it!”
“C’mon, give me one more! Harder!”
“Another set and we can hit the showers”
“Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?”

29. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That’s just mean.

30. Never talk to another man in the bathroom unless you’re on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod will do just fine.

31. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her.

32. You can not rat out a friend who show’s up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way up so he thinks its broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.

33. If your buddy is trying to hook up with a girl, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chances of getting any either.

34. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he can get up on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a “Fuck off!” then you are absolved from all responsibility. Later on it is ok that you have no idea what his girlfriend is talking about.

35. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly “just a friend”, go at it, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.

36. When using a urinal in a public restroom, a buffer zone of at least one urinal will exist at all times. If the only empty urinal is directly next to an occupied on, then you are still required to wait.

37. When coming to a room which you know is occupied by your friend and possibly another girl, you must knock and wait for an adequate response. If no response occurs, and the door is locked, a 10 minute period is required before knocking again.

38. If you accidentally touch or brush against any part of another man below the waist, it is an understood accident, and NO apologies or any reference to the occurrence is necessary.

39. Any dispute lasting any longer than 3 minutes must be settled by rock, paper, scissors. There is no argument too important for this determining method.

40. Only acceptable time when a man is allowed to cry:
When a heroic dog dies to save his master.
After being struck in the testicles with anything moving faster than 7 mph.
When your date is using her teeth.
The day Anna Kornikova chooses a husband.

41. If a hot girl shall happen to pass by while you are in an arms reach of your buddy, you must, tap him on the shoulder to make him aware of the babe.

42. A man’s shoes may not intentionally match any other article of clothing on his body.

43. No man shall ever allow anyone to speak ill of The Simpsons or any Rocky movie. (Exception: Rocky V)

44. Any object thrown with reasonable speed and accuracy, MUST be caught.

45. No man shall ever keep track of, or count, the amount of beers he has drunk in a night.

46. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach, and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel, and it’s free.

47. Under no circumstances may two non-related men share a bed or anything which could be perceived as a mattress.

48. If you jiggle more than twice, you’re playing with it.

49. A man shall never help another man apply sun tan oil.

50. It is the God given duty of every man to assist any other man that may be in need of assistance in obtaining a threesome with two girls.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! NOT!!!

Yes, it's that time of the year when you are suppose to celebrate the time you came to this world. But I guess there is something wrong with me that I "almost" spend all my birthdays depressed, sad, or alone. Yes, I had some birthdays that were worth remembering but this one is not one of them. So I guess here's to me for getting a step closer to the grave with no noteworthy achievement in life.