THE RULEZ

We always hear "the rules" from the
females side. Now here are the rules
from the men's side...

These are our rules:

* Please note... these are all numbered
"1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Breasts are for looking at and that
is why we do it. Don't try to change
that.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about
you leaving it down.

1. Saturday = sports . It's like the
full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is not a sport. And no, we
are never going to think of it that
way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let's be
clear on this one:
....Subtle hints do not work!
....Strong hints do not work!
....Obvious hints do not work!
....JUST SAY IT!

1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly
acceptable answers to almost every
question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if
you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months
is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is
inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after
7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you
probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be
interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad and angry, we meant
the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do
something, or tell us how you want it
done.
....Not both.
....If you already know best how to do
it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say what
you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need
directions and neither do we.

1. All men see only in 16 colors, like
Windows default settings.
....Peach, for example, is a fruit, not
a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
....We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say
"nothing", we will act like nothing is
wrong. We know you are lying, but it is
just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want
an answer to, expect an answer you
don't
want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere,
absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really!

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking
about unless you are prepared to
discuss
such topics as:
....Sex
....Sports or
....Cars

1. You have enough clothes

1. You have too many shoes

1. I am in shape. round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; yes, I
know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know men really
don't mind that? It's like camping.