I finally prayed...

It has been a couple of years now since knelt down in earnest prayer. It is quite odd for someone like me who was born and raise in our church. I even served a mission. but when I came back praying became more of duty than gift that should treasured. I won't share the reason behind though.

At first, I tried kneeling in prayer but my mind was blank. I had no words to say to Him and doubt was creeping in my mind if it was worth the effort (it has been years why start again I did survive). Then I remembered one class in sunday school when I was a kid, that you can start a prayer with song. I remembered my favorite song, it was "O Lord, My Redeemer". A song we sang much when I was still in a choir (I use too sing :P).

And the Roman soldiers laughed
When they saw their pris'ner stumble.
He did not revile them back.
And wondering, I asked,
"Who was this man so humble?"

And a woman at my side
Choked on her reply.
Though she struggled not to weep,
The tears poured down her cheek,
Her heart breaking as she cried:

"Oh Lord, my Redeemer,
Thou has done so much for me!
Oh Lord, my Redeemer,
All my love I give to Thee!"

And the crowd went pushing on.
I felt compelled to follow.
I knew that they were wrong
How they mocked Him all along.
Suddenly my heart felt hollow.

For they nailed Him to a tree
On a hill called Calvary.
While I stood there filled with wonder,
The heavens roared with thunder,
And again I heard this plea:

"Oh Lord, my Redeemer,
Thou has done so much for me!
Oh Lord, my Redeemer,
All my love I give to Thee!"

I could not forget His face
As I wandered from that place.
With the questions ever burning
I put myself to learning
And each answer came with grace.

And I knelt in earnest prayer,
His memory still there.
And the more that I'd enquire
The hotter burned the fire.
I found joy beyond compare.

And the day turned into three.
Morning found me in a garden
Where the gentle April breeze
Returned me to my knees,
Pleading for a pardon.

And I can't say when or why
I opened up my eyes
But his feet were there before me,
But His hands were open o'er me,
And His face I recognized.

"Oh Lord, my Redeemer,
Thou has done so much for me!
Oh Lord, my Redeemer,
All my love I give to Thee!"

I started to crying when I needed my prayer and ended up pouring out my heart. All the aches and pains, doubts, hate and dreams, and I mean everything. It was wonderful to be able to that for a long time. I guess this the first step and hopefully not the last.